Caitlin Little
the power of running
With all new jobs come excitement, anticipation, and a yearning to learn something new. Jumping into a new career that I know suits me and who I am, I was not prepared for the emotion that overcame me this past week.
A young woman by the name of Caitlin Little entered my life on Wednesday morning. She’s an 18 year old from Greensboro, North Carolina with a story that makes you think… “wait, I’ve seen that in a movie before.” Caitlin has a 1 minute memory after an accident that took place almost 4 years ago. She wakes up every morning and believes that it is October of 2017. She has no idea she is 18 years old. Every day she has to re-learn her story (most times multiples times a day). Some days are harder than others. Aside from her memory, Caitlin has many other health issues stemming from her brain injury. Her family has worked extremely hard to get her the help she needs. They’re determined to find a cure.
Before her accident, Caitlin was a runner. Cross country was her calling, and it was just another standard day at the office when she could run a 6 minute mile. After her accident, running seemed to be the only thing that gave Caitlin her life back. Recently, Caitlin found her way to Crystal Lake, IL seeking treatment for her condition. I was lucky enough to meet this amazing young woman this week. Better yet, I was able to take Caitlin out for a run.
You see, someone with Caitlin’s condition hasn’t made a new memory in almost 4 years. She has to be told over and over where she is, what she’s doing, why she’s seeking treatment, and whether or not she needs a jacket before she goes outside. When Denise and Caitlin’s mother asked me if I would go running with her, I won’t lie to you, I was honored, yet terrified. There was the possibility she could have a moment of lapse and instantly look around and be terrified, out running with a stranger. But her mother assured me, “She’s very aware that she’s not aware. We’ve made big progress since we’ve been here, I think this will be great for her.” Her mother documents as much as she can, and she even took a picture of us together a few hours before our run so Caitlin could re-learn who I was before our solo adventure at Veteran’s Acres.
I showed up at the park and within a minute, Caitlin and her mom pulled up next to me in their minivan. Caitlin jumped out and said, “I just need to change my shoes and I’ll be ready to go!” She had been prepped by her mother, she was ready to go run with her new friend Megan.
It was a beautiful 55 degree day and I was shaking and sweating. The last thing I wanted to do was to scare this girl. “Keep her talking, keep her mind moving, always default to running, she’ll talk about running all day long,” were my instructions. Do you want to know what I learned over the course of 2.5 miles with this remarkable young woman?
- She has an older sister who just received her drivers license (Caitlin is 18). Caitlin was quite shocked when I told her that her sister was 20 years old now.
- Her favorite food is chicken with sweet potatoes, but tacos are a close second.
- When she asked my favorite food, I told her I love Chicago Style Pizza. She was curious why I was passionate about deep dish. When I told her she was within an hour of Chicago city limits, she was stunned. “I wonder how we got here? I bet we drove. Although, I’m not sure how. My mom’s van is so old, it would never make it here!”
- 10 minutes later, she told me that the farthest she’s ever been from home is South Carolina.
- Her brothers are SO BIG. Bigger than she thought they should be. They also eat a lot more than Caitlins remembers.
- Second to running, Caitlin enjoys her garden with her mother. They grow peppers, tomatoes, okra, cucumbers, and so many other vegetables.
- I told her that I am a cross country coach and I coach kids her age. She was overly excited to learn that she was currently running on their cross country course. “Exploring new courses is always the best so you can scope out other competition,” she told me.
- Her mom has been a teacher for 20 years. She loves teaching.
- When Caitlin grows up, she wants to be a physical therapist. But she’s concerned it will take a lot of schooling and worse, more money. Silly me, my response was, “Oh, so you want to be just like Denise!” She looked at me perplexed and said, “Who is Denise?”
- She asked what I like to do for fun. I explained that I like to do triathlons. On top of running, I like to swim and bike. “Oh that’s so cool! I’ve never had a chance to swim before!”
- Her cross country coach makes them run hills at practice all the time. She really enjoys hills, they make her work hard and she feels accomplished.
- She doesn’t remember much about candy. When asked what her favorite candy was, she knew enough to tell me that she can’t have candy because of her stomach problems.
- Caitlin really enjoys her friends from the cross country team. They make her very happy.
- Caitlin has no idea what COVID-19 is.
Finishing up our run, we entered the parking lot and approached her mother’s van. It didn’t take long before I heard her mutter, “Oh wait, where is my mom? Oh there she is.. she must have gotten a new van! It’s so shiny!” Looks like Caitlin was right, that old van didn’t make it to Illinois after all.
I shared some words with her mom at the car while Caitlin stretched. I found out that her friends she was telling me about, they were not friends at all. At least not anymore. I found out her mom has been teaching for over 26 years now, not 20 years. Caitlin swims almost daily when she is home. Swimming, or “floating” helps with her join pain. Her teachers and coaches have all traveled with her. They have changed their career path to continue teaching and coaching Caitlin until she graduates, simply because she would never be able to remember any new teacher or coach. The more her mom talked the more I found myself awestruck. The last thing she mentioned is what hit home the hardest. “Megan, you’re the first ‘unknown’ person we’ve ever let run with her. She only ever runs with someone she’s known before the accident. I trusted you would make her feel comfortable, and these pictures show me I was right to believe that.” It was everything I could do to hold back my tears.
During the conversation, I had a moment of lapse myself and got excited to show Caitlin our running selfie. I ran over to her and said, “Look! Look at how happy you are!” What I received back reassured me that Caitlin’s memory isn’t there. She looked at me with a bit of a blank stare, and sort of confused. Her mom had to explain that we had just went been running together. That photo was from our run.
It was in that moment my heart was instantly shattered. No, I’m not heart broken, but my heart breaks for Caitlin and her family. What just happened to me is the reality for her parents and siblings on a daily basis. As soon as they think they might see an ounce of hope, Caitlin turns her head and looks at them with shock.
One thing is for sure, this girl can RUN. No doctor has ever been able to give Caitlin and her family the answers they want or need, but most are certain of the same thing: Caitlin receives the most oxygen to her brain when she runs. Hence, this is why she is the most lucid and the most like her old self when she runs. Her mom told me, “Oh I just love when she goes running, because I know that when she returns we’ll have the best conversation!”
This tells me all I need to know. Running is more powerful than any of us believe it to be. I’ve found myself entering a new persona on a long run or on the race course when the going gets tough. But for Caitlin, it takes her back to her own persona. It gives her life back, if only for the length of the run. She engages, she speaks clearly, she laughs, she remembers everything that makes her happy. When she runs, there’s no one to tell her, “You don’t know this, but you’ve been in an accident and have a brain injury.” There’s simply just Caitlin, and all that she is while she flies on 2 legs. She’s a girl with a 16 year old sister who just got her drivers licence. Her family has an old van that would never make it to Illinois. She’s never had the chance to swim before and the farthest she’s ever been from home is South Carolina. And you know what, that makes her as happy as a clam.
I’ve left my heart on many a race course all over the country throughout the years. But I came home from “work” on Wednesday afternoon and knew that Caitlin stole a large chunk of it, and we never left my hometown.
If you’re interested in following Caitlin, you can do so on her Facebook page here managed by her mother. She updates it daily with her daughter’s progress. Some days are hard to read and others will make you smile from ear to ear. But I promise you this, you won’t be the same once you follow along.
